why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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