You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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