Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
