need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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