No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
