Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize