please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
