her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
