walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
