so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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