I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
