I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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