we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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