I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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