I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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