Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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