When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
