I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
