Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
