Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
