I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
