my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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