I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
