His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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