The best revenge is premature balding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Boobs speak an international language.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
