On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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