Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
