my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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