she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
