Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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