If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
its liver damage thursday
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