State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
