I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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