do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
