she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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