dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
