So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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