Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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