I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
