I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
