Your face is a jimmy john
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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