I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
