I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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