Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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