Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
