we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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