you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
