I'm going to jail i love you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize