My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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