Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
