I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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