batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
