Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
