he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
