I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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