My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
