so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
