Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
