you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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