I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
