There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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