loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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