I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is wine microwaveable?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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