dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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