It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
