Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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