Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
