but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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