I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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