I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
