I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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