Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
