girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize