I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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